Thursday, July 3, 2008

Acceptance by Amanda Downey

What is acceptance? It is a word that can mean different things to different people. Acceptance for some may be accepting a new job, accepting an unplanned pregnancy, or accepting an event in life that did not turnout as planned. For me, acceptance took on a new meaning the day Kate died. Acceptance became one of the stages of grief. It is actually one of the final stages, although I do not believe that grief ever ends completely. I think you just learn how to live with it. I never thought I would get to the point of acceptance. If you were to ask my husband, he would probably tell you that he also wondered at times if I would ever reach that point.

I believe I am finally beginning to accept Kate’s death. Do I want to accept her death? No. I would still prefer for her to be here with me.

Do I have to accept her death? If I never accept her death, I am as my husband tells me “Living among the dead”. I believe I have reached the point that I am accepting my new “normal” life and beginning to move on. The past month I have found myself wanting to do more things. I have started working in the yard, planting flowers and trying harder to lose weight.

Do I think I will have days that I do not completely accept her death? Yes. I do think those days will come. Hopefully, those days will become fewer and fewer.

Acceptance is definitely on the terms of the person grieving. For me, there are many people who wanted me to be at this point 2 ½ years ago, at a time I could not even function, much less accept the fact that my baby that I had carried for over 9 months had passed away. As one of my Early Angel friends said, “You went to the hospital thinking you were coming home with a baby”. Not coming home with a baby is one of the hardest things I have ever had to accept.

“All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.” Psalm 139:16(b) – NIV